He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
