btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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