Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
