As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
