i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
