I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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