apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
