8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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