just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
