maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
