Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
