if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's like iHOP with fire
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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