bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
