that's an acceptable place to lick
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
