Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my being single is dangerous.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
