On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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