If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So apparently I’m into choking now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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