I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're like the curious george of whores
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
