We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
now i know why i became what i already was.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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