I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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