one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
