Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
