The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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