Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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