you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
