i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
