after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
