I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
