So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
