Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Terrible idea I love it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
