i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
