Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
