It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
