oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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