This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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