Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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