Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
