How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
