i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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