the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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