Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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