I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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