went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
