Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
