The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
