was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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