you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
