My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
