He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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