shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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