i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize