awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
