Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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