i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What a dumb baby whore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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