we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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