Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize