he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I touched a dick in church today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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