Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
