All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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