She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
