Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
