oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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