You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
