'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
