that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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