"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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