she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
