The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
