my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she told me i tasted like america
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
