I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
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i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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