I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize