will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
