The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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